Welcome to our world. Do not be afraid! So I know there are these rumors, agility is a niche sport. It's not very cool. Dog people are freaks. I saw Best in Show. Let's just dispell these rumors right now. Welcome to my world-dog agility for the rest of us!

FACT
Dog agility kicks ass. It rocks. My friends, if you are looking for fast and cool things to do, and you have a dog (and don't almost all cool people have a dog?) this is your thing. You can wear leather pants. Or a tennis skort! Tattoos are welcome. It is a great activitiy to combine with house phaging. It goes with taxidermy!

FICTION
Dog agility will never be cool. It is just impossible.

FACT
See above. Have you ever known me to lie? LP02, always slightly ahead of the curve. And this is the cutting edge of coolness. We got it right this time, this is no stock market test. You never did sports? This is a sport for you. Get on the cutting edge. Try some dog agility. I am not kidding. It is the new black.

FICTION
Dog people are freaks. I saw that movie, Best in Show.

FACT
Well, there are freaks everywhere. They are our entertainment value! Just take a walk down my street. I can show you plenty-o-freaks! Same thing at dog agility. These aren't the polyester suit wearing people strutting the prancing dogs. This is like action packed, man. Serious competition. Dogs chewing on ropes. Plowing into things. Exciting drama!

FICTION
You are just running around out there with a dog and they are jumping over things? Bo-ring.

FACT
No way, really, it is super Exciting! You teach them to go over, and around and under and through things. It is a game of skill and speed. The dogs go insane with joy and there is something weirdly addicting about learning to teach a dog all this stuff. It is an obsession. But in a good way. You can do this instead of drugs! You will possibly still need advil though.

They will learn:

Tunnel! Run through a tunnel-just the dog, you will never have to! Watch 'em run up the side and skid through. Hours of fun!

Jumps-just like horses! Keep 'em from knocking those rails!

Contact Equipment-Big, heavy, wood items to go over, with painted yellow zones on the ends that you actually teach them to step in at full speed! Elusive and tricky! Way funner than going to an art opening!

Weave poles-this is that thing you saw on Animal Planet. 12 plastic poles they learn to go through FAST! Learn the secrets of the weave poles and you will be hooked.

Teeter Totter-oh, the name may sound like a kid toy, but you just wait til your dog pummels up this thing and slams it into the ground then looks at you like-are we doing this AGAIN?

Mad Handling Skilz-The Front Cross, the RFP, The Serp, The Rear Cross, The Threadle, and So Many More! You just put your arm and your feet in the right place when you are running as fast as you can and you will be Hooked!